Birthday In Quarantine

Yesterday was the day I discovered scambaiter videos. Happy birthday to me!

Miss Sassy: So Mom, how are you going to celebrate your birthday? Are you doing anything fun?

Me: I’m going to watch scambaiter videos. Specifically the Scammer Payback YouTube channel. I think I’ve found the hero character for my next romance novel. If I ever get back to writing anyway. This guy is awesome. I love computer geeks with morals. (Haha, that’s probably why I married one!)

A friend brought me these beautiful flowers for my birthday, which was so nice! They made my heart smile!

Thanksgiving is in two days. Today I’m making our pumpkin pie. I love homemade pumpkin pie. I have the crust made and it’s sitting in the freezer waiting for the filling.

I’m also thinking of experimenting with an apple toffee tart. Hmmm.

There is so much to be thankful for this year. Well, every year, actually, but this year has been one of such extreme contrasts, that the blessings shine brighter, like candles in the night.

It’s funny to me how much work my counselor did with me to help me learn how to better identify my feelings beyond just a basic five or six. It was hard to learn this skill when for so long it seemed like I’d been locked in to rage. I wore other emotions on the outside – I think most people had no idea, even family – but underneath it was always fear. For me fear shows up as rage or at least anger.

Anyway, I did battle with my raging fear for years before I even realized that I was feeling that. So I worked for the last couple of years on identifying my actual emotions, and suddenly I discover that I can feel ALL THE FEELS. And it’s a little weird. I walk around like some sort of leaky faucet, crying during Hallmark commercials, or at random moments in the middle of church, or when I look at pictures of my kids and grandchildren. The overwhelming emotion that tends to flood me is gratitude. I have so much I’m thankful for that I can’t contain or express it all, so it just runs out my eyes.

Of course there are other emotions as well, but it’s the gratitude that body slams me almost as powerfully as grief has at times in the past. Maybe when you process and heal past trauma, it makes it easier to see and feel all the beautiful things.

My prayer for you is that you will see the blessings and the beauty in your life this Thanksgiving season, even if your eyes leak. Be blessed, my friends.

In the family COVID news:

I’m doing much better. I started an antibiotic for my sinus infection and was actually able to sleep in my own bed last night. Up until now, I couldn’t lay flat without great sinus and ear pain.

Mr. Hot Stuff had a set back last night, with the return of a fever and some new stomach problems. This is frustrating, but it seems like COVID just has to take you in waves and just when you think you’re getting up it kicks you back down. So he’s doing pretty par for the course, I guess.

Grandmama is very slowly doing better, but still has to fight chronic nausea. At least her oxygen sats are doing better so we don’t have that worry about anyway.

WHAT?!? Fever. It must be the fever. Mr. Hot Stuff just turned on a Hallmark movie. Bridal Boot Camp. New COVID symptom?

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