Well, it’s been over a month and Grandmama is still fighting the COVID battle. After spending 24 hours in the emergency observation room (fortunately, they let me stay with her because I already had C19), the conclusion is that she’s got COVID pneumonia (meaning it’s viral and antibiotics don’t treat it) and that’s what’s causing her unrelenting nausea. She decided to be admitted to the hospital in hopes that the IV fluids will help her stay hydrated enough to heal and get on top of the nausea. This is brutal, folks.

I’m doing all right. I had a bout of possibly COVID-induced conjunctivitis, but that’s clearing up also.

Mr. Hot Stuff is getting better gradually as well. It seems that there is no such thing as a quick recovery when you actually get sick from this virus.

Let me tell you. It’s emotionally excoriating to have an end-of-life level conversation with a loved one and their medical providers while knowing that they are going to be in a place where you won’t be able to visit them. It’s an important, and necessary conversation to have, but it’s painful, and somehow it felt wrong for a daughter-in-law to be the one to have it, but I suppose we each have to step up to the hard things when we are the one present at the critical place and time.

I was always pretty fierce when my kids were growing up and I would emphasize to them that if someone needed help, especially urgent help, and they were in a position to provide it, they had a moral obligation and privilege to act. Somehow these last two days reminded me of that. It was a privilege to be able to stay with Grandmama as long as I did. I have a hunch there may have been a few rules bent there because I already had COVID-19. I wish the same rules applied in the COVID unit of the hospital, but I am grateful for what we had. I think it helped Grandmama to be calm enough to make her own decision about how to move forward with this situation.

We don’t expect that Grandmama will die from this. (Please, God, don’t let her die from this. I don’t want to be the last family member who spoke to her face to face.) She just needs greater medical support than we can give her at home in order to overcome this sickness. Unfortunately, we also don’t have a crystal ball to tell us how long that will take, either.

I have to express how deeply grateful I am for the health-care workers who are wearing themselves out caring for the people whom we love. They #LightTheWorld. They show courage, compassion, respect, and patience in the face of a disease that is devastating for some people. In the face of a disease that isolates us from one another, they build connections. I pray that God will give them peace, and the strength and wings of angels to help carry them through their long days.

This morning, before I went back to the hospital to be with Linda, I was praying for strength to face the whatever eventualities the day might bring, and my attention caught on the wall where I have some of my artwork hanging. I needed the comfort and peace of some of the quotes and it felt like a comforting hug from heaven.