Yesterday I had another appointment with my counselor/coach. He gave me homework last time to list two memory cues for every year of my life that I could. I was surprised to discover that I could go back to before I was two years old. Okay, age and time are very subjective when you are that young. I may have gotten the age a little wrong, there’s no way to verify it. All I know is that the memories go back to before I was very verbal. It was an educational experience to do and it was fascinating how the memories flowed from one to another, triggering flurries of other memories. Some memories are delightful and others are painful. The idea behind creating this list is to use it to help me more effectively process the painful things that may be holding me back in other areas of my life.
Of course he dove right in and went after the most painful thing. I had to remind myself that I’m not paying him for easy. I could just continue to sit around getting nothing done if that was what I wanted. It was a tough-difficult-hard session that required all of my determination to get through, but it was so worth it in the end. I was reminded of the woman who touched the hem of Jesus and found healing. This experience was like that for me. I have felt a new level of joy – a sense of release – and a greater appreciation for the experiences that have made me who I am today.
I know that feelings are transient. I will not always feel this way. But it is a great relief to be able to lay aside that one burden and know that it’s been taken away and I will not have to carry it again. I am amazed at how much easier it is to do other hard things when there is an internal sense of joy. Burdens seem lighter and the road feels less steep.
Last appointment the descriptive word I came away with was HOPE. This time, it was JOY.
God loves us, so he sent his son.
Psalm 107:19-22 NIV
Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress.  He sent out his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave.  Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind.  Let them sacrifice thank offerings and tell of his works with songs of joy.
I have a new granddaughter! She is so precious. Her poor mama was in labor for FOUR DAYS before she came at last! They are doing well, but as happens sometimes, reality is slamming into this little family pretty hard. It’s tough to be a new daddy and work full-time, and go to school also, and take care of a wife and baby. It’s tough to be a new mama after an exhausting extended labor, and get home only to discover that everyone was telling you the truth when they said that babies don’t come with a manual. What’s more, your own body doesn’t seem to have come with one either. At any rate, they will never wonder what to pray about, ever again.