The Challenge of Trusting God When I Think I Know What Is Best

It can be so frustrating when you want something badly and you pray for it, and you pray for direction about how to accomplish it and it seems like God doesn’t respond. At least in a way that you can recognize. That was me this morning. I woke up no healthier than I was yesterday, and possibly a little worse. This cough feels like sandpaper in my lungs. I’ve been to the doctor several times, and tried so many remedies. Many things have helped a little, but nothing seems to push the healing through. So I prayed again. The answer I got was, “Just do what you can in each moment to do the work you need to and allow yourself to rest when you need to. I’ll make sure this works out the way it’s supposed to.”

So there it is. It’s not the answer I wanted, but it’s the answer I have. In the twelve-step program I’m working through (I recommend everyone try a 12-step program. We all have a weakness or a stumbling block in our lives that we could work on.), step three is to trust the God of your understanding, and that he has your best good in hand. (That’s my own rough summary of it.) Sometimes that kind of trust is really hard! Sometimes I just want to assure God that I can do this thing called life, if only he would just hand over the controls! Haha. That doesn’t actually work out so well for me most of the time, so I have to circle back to trusting God. I’m going on a cruise in a couple of weeks (I’ve never been on one before) and I’d like to be all better for it, so I’m still praying for that. If you want to add me to your own prayers, I’d appreciate it.

I’m still reading and thinking about the intro pages to the Book of Mormon, and today I sat and thought about what my takeaway from Joseph Smith’s testimony about the origin of the Book of Mormon, how an angel appeared and told him what it was and where to find it. FOUR TIMES. In less than 24 hours.

I was having a hard time getting my head around why it was necessary for the Angel Moroni to appear and say the exact same thing four times. Then I thought about how hard it is for me to remember driving directions without GPS. That golden book was hidden under a partially-buried rock in the forest! I’d be doing well to even find my own way in and out of a forest (in spite of going to Tracker School years ago – that’s bad, I know), let alone to find a specific tree with a specific rock next to it. (Isn’t that what GPS is for?) Top that off with the fact that Joseph had to remember all these instructions for 4 years before he could actually retrieve the book. That’s a good reason to repeat it all. (I put the link at the end, if you want to read it.)

These Faber Castell Gelatos are a water-soluble kind of crayon I’ve been experimenting with lately.

Repetition. It’s funny how every time you read a book, or watch a show, you notice different things, or different parts make you laugh or cry. It absolutely happens to me when I reread Mrs. Mike, or Little Women. It’s probably also why God wants us to keep reading scripture, even if we’ve already done it several times. It’s not that the words change, but that we do. I see things differently now than I did when I was 16, or 26, or 40. Somehow I seem to still find just what I need when I read and meditate on the scriptures. Maybe it will work that way for you too.

It’s the end of this post, and I want to remind you that if you could fast and pray for Australia and those fighting the bush fires, they could really use the help. And if you want to mention me and my hope to heal from bronchitis, I’d appreciate it. Is there something you’d like prayers for? Feel free mention it in the comments.

Here’s the link to the Joseph Smith testimony.