Note: I published this a day ago on my Instagram, but felt like I should share it here also.

Mercy. I have so many thoughts swirling.

I look at my cluttered house and realize I don’t even have the excuse of little kids messing it up. I look at my office and know that I am the source of all of this disarray. 

But More Jesus.

More Jesus.

More Jesus.

This is the thought I wake up with every day.

It rings through my mind, like an ever-present cowbell, even when I’m trying to focus on other things.

Am I developing a mental disorder? Sometimes I wonder.

More Jesus. The more I seek the things that bring more Jesus, the more peaceful and happy I feel.

More Jesus. The more I feel his presence in my life, the more patient I am with myself and everyone else.

More Jesus. The more I look for him in others, the more I want to be kind.

More Jesus. The more I see him in my life, the less I want to quit the hard things that are good for me. Well, I do still want to quit, but I remember the cross, and that he didn’t quit, and I’m glad for that. Maybe I can be glad for my hard things, even when they hurt.

I look at my house and I see how blessed I am to have what I have, but I need to find a way out of the dust and clutter. Maybe the answer for this challenge is also more Jesus.

Right now though, more Jesus feels like scriptures, and studying the words of living prophets.

More Jesus feels like learning how to pray from my deepest heart.

More Jesus feels like taking care of my body.

More Jesus feels like listening to other people who know him.

I feel like I am Mary and Martha in the same body. Martha wants a clean, orderly house, with nutritious meals on time, so she can have more Jesus time without distractions. Mary wants to sit and do whatever it takes to get more Jesus right now. Both are important. Both are serving God.

I don’t know what’s better. I only know one thing I need right now.

More Jesus.

You might be wondering…

What happened after all the covid stuff?

Recovery has been a long road for some of us. It seems like Grandmama (Mr. Hot Stuff’s mom) has gone from one health challenge to another and it’s been really hard for her.

My biggest recovery challenge has been overcoming the lingering inertia, some of which may have been connected to lingering lung crud. Anything requiring cardio stamina has been super hard. But I’ve begun making a focused effort to improve and heal what remains of those issues. With the support of so many people around me, I think it’s going to happen.